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Sexless in the CityBy Tia Stauffer A New York City daily editor by day, Dawn Eden takes on the blogging world at night, where she composes passionate essays on everything from pro-life choices to what’s happening in the rock world. In her first book, The Thrill of the Chaste: Finding Fulfillment While Keeping Your Clothes On (W Publishing), Eden tackles the Sex and the City set to whom “chastity” is a four-letter word. How did you get the idea for the book The Thrill of the Chaste? I was brought up a Reform Jew and was an agnostic for my adult life until age 31, when I had a faith experience that turned me into a committed Christian. My new faith forced me to examine my life in light of Jesus' teachings. I knew that, as a Christian, I should not be having premarital sex—but trying to reconcile that knowledge with my behavior was another matter. By that point, I had been sexually active for nearly a decade. The willingness to have premarital sex had become part of my makeup; it wasn't something I felt I could simply switch off because it was a no-no. Over the next few years, in a fumbling kind of way, I began to explore what it meant to live chastely. Gradually I learned that if I viewed sex within its proper context—marriage—the rest of my life as a marriage-minded single woman would acquire its proper context as well. I became happier, more hopeful, more confident around men and far less cynical than I had ever been when I was having premarital sex. There is, as far as I can see, no book for women who are where I was and want to get to where I am. Other books about chastity are generally directed toward virgins, telling them to "stay pure." When the authors of those books address non-virgins, if at all, they're usually writing from the perspective of one who really doesn't know what it's like to change from one lifestyle to another. I've been there, so I thought I would have something new and valuable to say. The main theme of your book is chastity. Can you describe what that word means to you/represents for you? Chastity is a state of mind. It entails viewing other people as valuable, even delightful, in themselves, not as means to one's own pleasure or gain. For a single woman, chastity means a refusal to objectify others or allow one's self to be objectified. In the plainest sense, it means reserving the gift of one's sexual expression for one's husband, because only within marriage—with its complete commitment—can it become a gift of love, free from the confines of self-interest. How do you hope this book will help women today? For women who want to be married and feel caught on a merry-go-round of dead-end relationships, and for women who seek emotional intimacy and find themselves settling unhappily for sexual intimacy, I hope it will help them build the emotional foundation they need if they're to hold out for their heart's desire. How do you think media affects women and their view of sexuality? Through the media, women are taught that their sex lives are based on a world of commerce: They are valued for their most superficial qualities and can hope only to find a partner whose qualities are of equal value. The media also teaches women that they "deserve" whatever they desire, and that there are no wrong desires. Therefore, in the media's view, if a woman chooses to live a life where she allows herself to be objectified and objectifies others, she should be encouraged, because she is simply trying to "have it all." I believe that truly "having it all" is something far different than memorizing Cosmopolitan magazine's "110 Sex Tricks"! You talk a lot about your personal experiences in this book. Was it hard to be vulnerable about your own life? The hardest thing wasn’t so much being vulnerable as it was trying to show some of the men I’ve dated in a better light than myself. The easiest thing to do would be to blame certain men for having treated me badly. Although I do say that I made bad choices in terms of whom I dated, I didn’t think it would be fair to present myself as a victim. Certain men may have corrupted me, but in choosing to be with them, I was corrupting them as well. What is your advice for women who feel like they've messed up too bad already to bother trying to be chaste? Being chaste is something you put on, like clothes—except that unlike clothes, if chastity feels like the wrong fit, you will grow to fit into it after you put it on. If you feel like you've messed up badly, then you have nothing to lose by being chaste, because you know that what you've been doing has not gotten you the love you really want. No one is going to give you a purity test and determine you're not pure enough to begin practicing chastity. If one had to be pure going in, I never would have made it through the door. What are the advantages of writing more openly about real issues that women face? I did not feel any pressure at all to keep the topics safe. My publisher has been wonderful in this regard. There was one single instance where I was quite graphic, and one of my editors—I'm not sure which one—made a note on my manuscript pointing out that my language might appear jarring to the reader. The editor was right. I toned down the language, and the point I was making became clearer. Quite honestly, I'm amazed at what they left in! The advantages of writing more openly are that women know that I've been there, done that, bought the T-shirt, taken it off and put it back on again. Tell us about your blog ... How long have you been blogging? What topics do you cover? I started The Dawn Patrol (www.dawneden.com/blogger.html) in February 2002 when I was in between jobs. I wanted a site where potential employers could find links to articles I’d written, which, at that time, were nearly all about vintage rock ’n’ roll, as I was a rock historian at the time. But immediately, I was tempted to write about my own life as well, and the blog turned into a personal journal for a year and a half. That changed in late 2003, when I heard WMCA radio host Kevin McCullough invite listeners to blog in favor of the campaign against the smutty Abercrombie & Fitch Christmas catalog. Until McCullough made his on-air request, I had never thought of myself as someone who could write anything worth reading about a topic other than music. Still, I tried my hand at a blog entry promoting the Stop Abercrombie & Fitch campaign and was surprised and delighted when McCullough read it on the air. From then on, I was off and running, writing about whatever was on my mind, which was largely chastity, since I was just beginning to get the hang of it around that time. Nowadays, having put many of my thoughts and stories about chastity into my book, my blog centers around pro-life issues, which are very important to me. Back to Top |
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